


We're On The Borderline

by cissyalice



Series: your life was my life's best part [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/F, Flashback fic, Hurt/Comfort, depends if you think I'm funny, humor maybe?, useless lesbians alert, what to do when your best friend's in love with you but she doesn't know it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissyalice/pseuds/cissyalice
Summary: "It was well into the evening when Connie chose to raise the subject Yumiko had been avoiding - with valiant effort - for the past couple of weeks.They were both seated atop the rig, relaxing with conversation and a nightcap, watching as the rest of their group engaged in various activities down below; namely, getting a fire started.'You need to tell Magna how you feel,' Connie signed.A terrible idea, really.'You're suggesting I talk to Magna about feelings? Magna? Our Magna?' She snorted, looking off into the distance. "God, she'd run for the hills."It wasn't an exaggeration. Some days, she was still surprised Magna hadn't done so already.". . .Connie and Bernie have very different approaches when it comes to matchmaking.Magna and Yumiko aren’t entirely appreciative of the latter’s.OR If miscommunication was a sport, yumagna would be Olympic gold medalists.. . .This is a flashback set roughly two years ago, before Magna and Yumiko have gotten together.
Relationships: Bernie & Magna, Connie & Yumiko, Kelly & Magna, Magna/Yumiko (Walking Dead)
Series: your life was my life's best part [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676368
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	We're On The Borderline

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks, I'm back! did you miss me?
> 
> I use ‘’ instead of “” whenever the characters are speaking in sign language.

****

She'd started having weird dreams about a year ago. Pleasant dreams, really. Horrifyingly, so. But weird.

And way too fucking problematic to be allowed to continue.

She couldn't keep waking up to Miko nestled beside her, completely unaware of the terrible thoughts her closest friend had just been having about her. Albeit in dream form - without Magna's permission or intention - but still.

That crossed a line.

She could admit that sometimes those dreams broke through the walls of their confinement and wandered over into reality. That sometimes when Miko hugged her, Magna's heart would speed up and her hands would start to sweat. She'd always thought it was an anxious response to being touched, to being trapped inside another person's hold again, but it didn't _feel_ anxious. At least, not that yucky panicky sensation she was so used to. Then there were the times that she stared a little too long at parts of Miko she shouldn't even be looking at in the first place _._

She'd never really had a crush before and didn't think this was it.

More likely, her hormones were confusing the closeness the two of them shared, twisting and violating it, turning it into something that it wasn't. Something wrong.

It was normal.

(it had to be normal)

Even expected.

She was gay and so was Miko - and they loved each other. There was bound to be a little confusion every now and again. Especially because neither of them had been with anyone since before the Apocalypse.

Magna's sex drive was just throwing a tantrum at her constant neglect.

It was normal.

It had to be.

And it wasn't like she had a surplus of other experiences to draw conclusions from, to compare data. Miko was the first friend she'd ever had - well, besides Brian, but she wasn't sure that a pedophile in his thirties really counted. Maybe this happened in friendships all the time. When you were close enough to a person, when you loved them that much, maybe your hormones just decided to make the best of a situation?

Whatever the case, it had to stop.

Magna had tolerated this mess long enough, waiting for the bothersome feelings to abate.

They hadn't.

She couldn't tolerate it any longer. Not when it was a betrayal of Miko's trust. Her faith in her.

Magna's stomach turned thinking about how she'd allowed their friendship to be soiled in such a way, for the bond between them - a bond she valued more than anything else in her life - to become dirty.

She was a shitty friend.

But, then, that was to be expected. She'd never thought she'd succeed in being anything else. But Miko seemed to think she was an okay friend and Magna was doing her best to live up to that belief, even when she knew the odds were against her.

She had to fix this.

Three nights before Jones Springs went to shit, a possible solution presented itself.

A redhead by the name of Lila had been nudging her way into Magna's life for the past week or so. She could admit to being confused by the attention and more than a little suspicious of her intentions. But on that night, Lila leant forward and placed a kiss that was impossible to misinterpret on her startled mouth.

Her confusion evaporated.

It was alright. Not the best kiss she'd ever had but she'd never really enjoyed kissing to begin with. She'd always been more focused on the end result or, when she was a teenager, what the other person could provide - whether that be affection, physical closeness, food, or a place to crash.

This wasn't like back then but Lila still had the ability to provide her with something she needed.

If her unintentional abstinence over the past eight years had left her libido all bothered and bewildered then she could fix that, here and now. And then, hopefully, things between her and Miko would return to normal.

It wasn't the most well-thought-out plan of attack but it still possessed potential.

First, though, she should probably make it clear to Lila exactly what she did - and didn't - want. She hated drama - especially the kind that came from relationships - and she'd rather not risk inviting any into her life. If Lila was out for more than a brief hookup, then she'd have to search elsewhere.

"I'm not looking for more than a one-time thing," she muttered after they'd pulled apart.

The other woman looked bemused. "Neither am I." She shrugged. "Relationships don't exactly last in this world."

Or in any world, Magna thought somewhat bitterly.

Lila moved in again, which brought up another important boundary. "And I don't kiss."

It was awkward and uncomfortable and just too, too close. She'd only ever enjoyed it a couple of times. Or, well, maybe not enjoyed. But she hadn't felt like leaping out of her skin throughout, could admit that the experience might even have bordered on pleasant, so it was an improvement.

But she'd never liked it.

Lila raised an eyebrow but thankfully halted her assault. "No kisses on the lips, got it." Her mouth tilted up slightly. "Are you opposed to kissing anywhere else?"

Magna hesitated but shook her head. That part had never been difficult for her.

The other woman hummed. "Well that's hardly a loss then. Now can we get on with this? I've only got two hours left before patrol."

She liked that Lila didn't waste time with bullshit. Straight to the point. No grounds for confusion or pointless chatter. It reminded her of how things used to be, during that odd, limbo-like year she'd spent in between prison and the Apocalypse. Lila would have fit in well with her plethora of rotating hookups.

Magna nodded and allowed the other woman to lead her over to the couch.

Even if this didn't work, at least she'd get a pleasurable hour or two out of the deal.

It didn't work.

In fact, it failed spectacularly.

* * *

It was well into the evening when Connie chose to raise the subject Yumiko had been avoiding - with valiant effort - for the past couple of weeks.

They were both seated atop the rig, relaxing with conversation and a nightcap, watching as the rest of their group engaged in various activities down below; namely, getting a fire started.

'You need to tell Magna how you feel,' Connie signed.

A terrible idea, really.

'You're suggesting I talk to Magna about _feelings? Magna?_ _Our_ Magna?' She snorted, looking off into the distance. "God, she'd run for the hills."

It wasn't an exaggeration. Some days, she was still surprised Magna hadn't done so already.

But Connie frowned, tapping her thigh insistently to bring her attention back around. 'She's not as fragile as you think.'

Yumiko's brow furrowed. 'I _know_ she's not fragile.'

That wasn't a word she'd ever equated with Magna. Ever. She had seen the other woman survive too much, all the shit she'd pushed herself through, the pain and the loss, only to come out the other side still rearing up and ready to punch someone?

No, Magna wasn't fragile.

And Miko would never mistake her for being so.

'She's the strongest person I know.'

It amazed her, sometimes, that strength. But she knew it had been hard-earned, just like Yumiko's own. No-one had _given_ that strength to Magna, nor was it something she'd been born with. Instead, she'd had to fight for it, just as she'd had to fight for almost everything else in her life.

Yumiko had determined a long time ago that she would never be one of those things.

Magna would never have to fight for her, not if she had anything to say about it.

Though, she was still waiting for the other woman to catch onto that.

Connie remained unconvinced, mouth turning down at the edges. 'But you do underestimate her. You remember her as she used to be, not as she is now. So you can't see how much she's grown.'

She nodded her head in the direction of the fire where Magna and Bernie were engaged in a screaming match - likely, they were repeating a well-worn argument over the best way to roast a rabbit, though she couldn't make out the words to be sure. Kelly watched on in exasperated silence. The corner of Yumiko's mouth lifted slightly as she surveyed the familiar scene but Connie drew her attention back, pointing at the object of her inner turmoil.

'But _this_ Magna is the only one I know. And she loves you.' She smiled and gave a little shrug as if that was all there was to it.

If only it was that simple.

But things had never been simple with Magna.

Yumiko hesitated in moving her hands to form a response, trying to find the words and failing.

Yes, Magna loved her. That had never been a question. Yumiko had known for years, the younger woman wasn't exactly subtle about it - as much as she probably hoped she was. Which was why it also wasn't very surprising that Connie had picked up on it, too. And her friend was right, Magna _had_ grown a lot since the day she first met her, handcuffed to a table, sporting an attitude more defensive than the US military budget. And Yumiko loved and admired the person she had become, just as much as she'd loved and admired the young woman who'd first worked her way into her heart.

She'd noticed the changes Connie spoke of, how Magna's walls were just a little less high, a little less thick. How they crumbled now for more than just Yumiko. In the time that she'd known her, she'd slowly begun to open herself back up to love and all that came with it. That was a fact that couldn't be denied. And Yumiko was _proud_ of her for that, knowing just what it cost, the risk she was forcing herself to take.

She'd _noticed._

But that didn't mean that Magna wasn't still _Magna._

She bit her lip, didn't know how to put that into words that Connie might be able to understand, that wouldn't do the woman she loved a disservice. 'Maybe,' she allowed finally. 'But I _know_ her. She'll run.'

Connie nodded slowly. 'Maybe. Maybe not. But you're not being strong, trying to lock up your feelings and keep her in the dark like this. It's not doing either of you any favors.'

Maybe not, but at least they were still friends. The thought of living in a world where they weren't was too much to take.'I want her to be ready.'

If she was ever going to be.

Connie tilted her head, sending her a look. 'She's never going to be ready if you don't give her a chance.'

She was right. Of course, she was right but. . . 'For a long time, I was all she had. If I tell her how I feel and it scares her, scares her enough to run, then she'll lose me.' Always, it was this that held her back. When all her other doubts and fears had been contended with, worn away over time, this brought her to a screeching halt.

She wasn't oblivious to the fact that she'd been one of the most important relationships in Magna's life. That, when she'd lost everyone else, been _betrayed_ by everyone else, Yumiko had reached out a hand and offered her the chance to connect again.

To love again.

She'd always strived to be a place of safety for Magna, a place of trust.

How could she take that from her?

But Connie's gaze was far too knowing. 'She was all you had, too. Maybe she's not the one who's scared.' At Yumiko's look, her mouth twitched. 'Well, not the _only_ one.'

Her impulse was to deny it, to list the many ways in which she _wasn_ _'t_ scared. Yumiko had come to terms with her feelings for Magna relatively quickly and had spent even less time trying to deny them. She knew how she felt and she accepted it.

But. . .

Every time she thought of confessing any of that to Magna - imagined the look of horror on her face, her hand slipping from hers, never to return again - a pit of dread opened up inside her.

Maybe Connie was right. Maybe she had been using her protectiveness over the younger woman as a shield, warding against her own fears.

She couldn't deny that the thought of losing Magna - in any way - was the most terrifying possibility she'd ever had to come to grips with. And given her history, that certainly said a lot.

'Maybe,' she allowed.

'You need each other,' Connie surmised. 'Both of you. It's okay to be scared of losing what you have. But I think you can agree that the time for letting that fear dictate what you do is over. You've waited long enough. You both have.'

Nine years _was_ a hell of a long time to wait to make a move on someone.

Yumiko looked down, fresh out of protests and denials.

But she wasn't ready.

She wasn't ready for things between them to change.

As much as the thought of their relationship shifting thrilled her, it also filled her with a chilling dread - to a far greater extreme.

Connie frowned before deciding to deploy her trump card. 'You've been holding back from her lately. It's obvious. We can all see it.' She gestured over to the rest of the group, the action thankfully going unnoticed. ' _Magna_ can see it. But she doesn't know why.' She gesticulated the last point sharply, gaze imploring. 'She thinks you're pissed at her.'

Yumiko sighed. 'I'm not. Of course, I'm not. She didn't do anything wrong.'

Really. She hadn't.

Yumiko's feelings were her own responsibility.

Which was _why_ she'd been keeping her distance.

She couldn't believe the lack of control that had come over her when she'd entered that lounge room and found Magna tangled up in the arms of someone else.

Someone who wasn't her.

She'd ran.

And she'd cried (hopefully, she'd been able to keep back the latter long enough for her best friend not to notice).

It was ridiculous. So fucking ridiculous.

And she needed to get a lid on her emotions before she messed up their relationship even more.

'It's not her fault,' she signed more firmly.

Connie's lips pursed. 'But _she_ doesn't know that. All she knows is that you're upset because of something she did. Even if she doesn't know why you're upset, she can still draw a line back to her.' Connie rolled her eyes. 'She's oblivious but she's not stupid.'

That was painfully accurate. Magna had a tendency to think all problems and feelings of ill-will could be traced back to her. Whilst she may not understand _why_ seeing her with another woman had upset Yumiko so much, that wouldn't stop her from concluding it was her fault.

And it really, really wasn't.

If anything it was Yumiko's own for failing so terribly at hiding her reaction.

The guilt hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn't realized. Well, she'd known that she'd been pulling back recently, yes. She'd needed to. Yumiko had been in love with Magna for years now, she was used to the feeling, but in the last few months some of her patience had started to fray, her emotions reaching boiling point. She wanted to kiss her, to _be_ with her. And that urge was getting harder and harder to suppress. It was frustrating. And irritating. She was angry at the lack of control over her own feelings, or at least her ability to temper them. She'd started to worry that she might do something, something incredibly stupid, like try to kiss the other woman or, god forbid, blurt out a declaration of love.

And then she would lose her. Quickly, completely. Irretrievably.

She couldn't lose Magna.

So she'd distanced herself. Just a little. Just until she managed to regain some control, just until she was sure that she wasn't about to screw up the most important relationship in her life.

She opened her mouth, closed it. Opened it again. "I don't mean to hurt her, I just- I'm scared."

Fear was an emotion she should be more than accustomed to by now. Even before the Apocalypse, she'd experienced the kind of terror that came with not knowing whether tomorrow would come. But, after all that, she still didn't know quite how to deal with it. She never had. The way it made her feel so helpless, like the world and everything in it was spinning out of control.

Yumiko realized then that she'd forgotten to sign, had spoken aloud instead, but the other woman just nodded.

'I know.' Connie smiled somewhat sadly but there was understanding there as she reached forward and squeezed her arm a moment. The pressure was comforting and Yumiko allowed herself to lean into the touch for the time it lingered before the other woman drew away again, the reprieve over. 'But you can't do this forever. It's not fair to you - or Magna. You have to give her a chance. You need to _trust_ her.'

Yumiko stared.

How could she argue with that? It wasn't fair what she was doing, not by a long shot. But she was trying to keep them safe, keep them _both_ safe. She could spend the rest of her life being no more than Magna's friend and be completely satisfied with that. _Maybe_ she would have some regrets at the end, but at least she would have avoided the worst regret of all.

'. . . I can't lose her.'

Connie shrugged, smiled once more, this time with a somewhat teasing edge. 'Then hang on tight.'

Yumiko sniffed and nodded, wiping at her face.

Connie placed a reassuring hand on her arm, smiling encouragingly. 'But I know Magna and you're crazy if you think she's going anywhere without you. You're her world.'

And Magna was hers.

Connie was right. Of course, she was right. And it was time that she put on her big girl pants and just went to hell with it.

As much as she wanted to, she knew deep down that they couldn't continue on like this forever. One day, she would slip up. One day, watching Magna with someone else would become too much for even her to bear, not when she still had all these what-ifs dancing through her head.

The best she could do was at least try and control the timing of when her feelings became known, perhaps apply a little padding to soften the blow if things went to shit.

Timing. She could control that.

Maybe.

She had to try.

She owed it to Magna to try.

She owed it to herself even more.

Turning to the other woman, she managed a somewhat watery upturn of the lips, grateful that Connie had taken the initiative to finally knock some sense into her. 'Anyone you need me to give _you_ relationship advice for?'

Connie smiled and squeezed her shoulder. 'Maybe one day. Let's hope they're not as oblivious as Magna.'

Yumiko snorted. "God forbid."

Gaze flickering around the camp, she caught sight of the woman in question, engaged in yet another argument with Bernie - this one seeming a lot more fired up than the one on display only minutes before. Magna's face was turning a rather alarming shade of red, her voice rising as she threw a soggy wet sock at his face (Yumiko grimaced, she knew just how smelly the other woman's feet could be). Kelly had moved a few feet away now and was watching the proceedings with dismay, though there was a hint of amusement to the quirk of her lips.

Yumiko wasn't even going to _attempt_ to figure out what was going on there or try and get in between it. She'd broken up the last three fights, she was done for the week. This was her off time. Luke was next batter up, by her count. He could handle it.

Though, by the way he was sitting at a tree more than several yards away, watching the commotion warily and stroking his treasure trove of instruments with building concern, he wasn't going to be stepping in anytime soon.

Yumiko's mouth twitched and she turned back to the woman beside her. 'What about Bernie?'

Connie's face pulled into an expression of abject horror.

Yumiko laughed, wiping the rest of the tears from her face. 'You're right. Magna would never forgive me for it, anyway.'

Especially, considering she'd once grumbled to Yumiko that Bernie was, in fact, without question, her 'mortal enemy'. The two of them had been bundled up impossibly close in a sleeping bag that was _really_ only meant for one - and it wasn't like they didn't have an extra on hand at the time - fingers toying with the hem of Yumiko's shirt in a way that was determined to test every last ounce of her self-restraint.

Magna would probably kill her for such a matchmaking attempt. If Connie didn't get there first.

The other woman eyed her cautiously now, heavy suspicion in her eyes. 'No Bernie.'

Yumiko chuckled, watching as the man himself backed up and took a tumble onto a startled Kelly after a particularly hard shove to the chest from Magna. She smiled as the sound of Kelly's cursing reached her ears, along with Bernie's profuse apologies, not missing the slow smirk that rose on Magna's face as she took it all in, admiring her handiwork.

Sometimes, she really wondered how her life had turned into this.

'No Bernie.' She agreed.

He was two-hundred-and-twenty-two percent too gay for the task, anyway.

* * *

"Hey, it's not _my_ fault Miko's been avoiding you for weeks. You fucked that up all on your own!"

Kelly stilled in her actions at the exclamation as Bernie and Magna came bursting out of the trees. They'd gone off about twenty minutes ago to patrol the perimeter. Clearly, it had been an eventful twenty minutes.

"I mean, really? Screwing a stranger just to get over your own feelings, feelings you're too much of a pussy to even admit to."

Kelly was sitting by the fire, whittling away at a stick and enjoying the rare serenity granted by Bernie and Magna's absence, but at this her head jerked up. She raised an eyebrow at the sight that greeted her: Magna, looking somewhere between horrified and livid, and Bernie, flushed with regret and no small amount of fear, even as he tried to cover up the latter with a smirk.

"Rest in peace, dude." She muttered, shaking her head and returning to her whittling.

Bernie looked from her to Luke, mouth agape. "What? Are we seriously not supposed to talk about this?" There was an edge of hysteria to his voice.

Kelly snorted and shook her head, chiseling away at her project. "Not if you want to keep your balls attached," she muttered, low enough that Magna probably wouldn't be able to pick up on it. She was _not_ gonna risk involving herself in the shitstorm this was promising to turn into.

The shitstorm it already was, by the sound of things.

It was an unspoken rule that you didn't talk to Magna about feelings. You most certainly didn't talk to her about any feelings she may or may not have for the arrow toting brunette permanently attached to her hip.

Unless, of course, you were Connie. She'd somehow gained immunity to Magna's temper. But even _she_ was reluctant to test her luck most days.

Not that Bernie was wrong in his assessment. Magna _had_ been in a sour mood for the past two weeks, ever since she'd caught sight of the tears in Miko's eyes That Night, the one they'd wisely decided not to speak of ever again. The former lawyer hadn't been quick enough to hide her obvious hurt before fleeing the room, muttering something about watch duty. Magna had looked horrified by her best friend's emotional display, if not a little bewildered, and altogether guilty - even if she hadn't quite caught on yet to what it was she was supposed to be feeling guilty _for_.

That had certainly been one of their most awkward moments as a group.

Luke had tried to settle the atmosphere by offering up tea but Magna had rejected the gesture, storming off in a huff, whilst Bernie tittered and shook his head in the doorway.

Ever since, it had been more than obvious that Miko was avoiding the younger woman.

And Magna's calm had been fraying by the day as a result.

Kelly couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. For both of them.

It was a mess of a situation. And only one of the two involved seemed to possess enough knowledge of what the fuck was going on to actually get them out of it.

But she couldn't blame Miko for holding back.

Magna was. . . well, kinda skittish.

A little like the stray cat Connie had taken to leaving food out for every night back in their old apartment, even though the thing scampered away to high heaven anytime either of them dared to approach.

Kelly wasn't eager to see how Magna would react to having such a bombshell dropped on her, cos it was plain to see that she was nowhere near prepared for it. Didn't have even the barest inkling that what existed between her and Miko could in any way be romantic.

Like now for instance: though she was clearly furious, her growing bafflement was winning out, as if she couldn't quite decide whether Bernie was trying to pull her leg or not.

Like it was a joke.

And not a very funny one.

This was sad. Really, really sad.

It took oblivious, pining lesbian to a whole new level.

Kelly glanced over at the rig where she could see Connie having what looked to be a pretty emotional conversation with the other half of this fucked up love story. Kelly really hoped things were going better on her end than on Bernie's. Thankfully, the two were far enough away that even the raised voices from their little campsite weren't loud enough to be entirely made out.

Though, maybe that wasn't so fortunate in Bernie's case. With the rate things were going, he was probably gonna need Yumiko to save him sooner rather than later.

"What are you even on about?" Magna demanded at last and, yeah, she looked way more confused than angry at this point.

"Quit while you're ahead, quit while you're ahead," Kelly muttered under her breath.

He didn't quit.

"You. Miko." At her blank stare, he sighed, raising his voice into a high-pitched singsong that Luke winced at from his safe location. "Sitting in a tree. K-I-"

"Dude, what the _fuck_?" Now she was looking at him like he'd lost his marbles, and there was even some concern there.

Bernie held up his hands. "Look all I'm saying, mate, is that if you're never gonna grow a pair and actually ask her out, maybe I will."

Magna stared at him. "What the fuck? She's a fucking lesbian, Bernie."

"And I've been told I'm very effeminate."

He took a boot to the face for that.

Kelly winced. It was clear that he was only trying to rile her up her at this point, though Magna hadn't seemed to catch onto that little fact yet.

It was going to be a long night.

She'd learnt, over the years, that the biggest threat in the Apocolypse wasn't sickos. Or even other people.

It was boredom.

And Bernie had a lot of it.

"I. Do. Not. Have. Feelings. For. Miko!" Exasperation bled through Magna's voice. Kelly wished she could look away, but oncoming trainwrecks were hard to ignore.

"Good, then there shouldn't be a problem." He grinned, absentmindedly kicking away the boot that had previously been weaponized against him.

"She's _gay_."

He shrugged. "So am I. We'll make it work."

Magna stared.

"You know, we're gonna have the cutest kids. I can already see it now. With their little mini paisley shirts, oh baby you're gonna get so many migraines-"

"Stay the fuck away from Miko!"

He snickered.

"You'll be invited to the wedding, of course. In fact, you can even be the maid of honor. Strict dress code, though. Fruffy pastel frocks, you understand."

Jesus Christ, the guy had a death wish.

Magna's sock - which had grown rather wet after coming into contact with the ground - flew at him next.

It was as unsuccessful as the last deterrent.

Bernie peeled the limp item of clothing off his face, grinning.

Maybe he was an adrenaline junkie. Kelly had always wondered.

Luke looked up in exasperation. "Dude, stop it. You're gonna get stabbed."

Bernie ignored this. Predictably. "You know, I feel like we're really starting to make some progress."

Kelly sighed and Luke moved his violin behind his back, inching further away from the group.

Magna took a step towards him. "You know I went to prison, right?"

Kelly could see the exact moment he started to regret all his life choices. And yet-

"Not exactly the greatest recommendation for godmom to my future children but, you know what? I'll allow it. How many do you think we'll have?" He kept backing away. "Two, at least. A boy and a girl - I won't be swayed on that. Do you think they'll look more like me, or Miko? Or will it be more of an even mix? Can you just imagine our features all smushed together to form some tiny, chubby-"

The other boot came off.

* * *

Yumiko frowned down at the commotion. 'Maybe we really should intervene.'

She still couldn't make out what was being said but Magna looked worryingly close to downsizing their group through drastic means. Bernie's days might well be numbered.

Connie tilted her head to the side, considering. 'Too much work.'

Yumiko shrugged, unable to disagree, and turned to watch the proceedings. Her brow furrowed a second later, though, as she took in the ever-expanding flush to Magna's cheeks, the way her eyes were just a little too wide.

'My god, Magna is _incensed._ I haven't seen her this angry since that time Luke farted in her face. What do you suppose they're arguing about?' A part of her was convinced that she really, _really_ didn't want to know - if Luke and Kelly's expressions were anything to go by - but her curiosity had a mind of its own.

Connie shrugged. 'You.'

'Right.' Yumiko snorted, taking a sip from her drink and resisting the urge to grimace at the taste. God, she missed good wine.

Another shrug. 'Bernie wants to marry you.'

She halted. 'Wait, are you lip reading?'

Connie gave a slight nod, eyes focused firmly on the entertainment before them.

Yumiko blinked. 'Bernie's gay. _I_ _'m_ gay.'

What in the world?

Connie lifted an uncaring shoulder. 'He knows this but he's confident he'll find a way around it.'

Yumiko stared and the other woman's mouth twitched.

The former lawyer sighed, understanding at last what was going on - and why Magna had probably been in such a foul mood all night. 'He's winding her up.'

That man never learned.

Connie nodded. 'A little too enthusiastically. Probably thinks it will push Magna into your arms at last.'

Well, that was a kind of help she could do without.

Yumiko rolled her eyes, looking away. 'Clearly he has no understanding of Magna then.'

You'd think after getting a boot to the face enough times, that might change. The exchange between them was almost ritualistic at this point - he'd spent two days once walking around with a red imprint on his forehead - but Bernie didn't seem to be learning from it.

Perhaps positive reinforcement would work better where he was concerned. That approach had achieved much greater results with her dogs. Her cats, not so much.

Bernie seemed like a dog person.

It could work.

Connie grimaced a little in agreement. 'It's not how I would have gone about it.' She cocked her head to the side, reconsidering. 'Though, sometimes the blunt approach _is_ best with her.'

'Not if it makes her angry or defensive.' Yumiko suspected that if Magna _did_ have any understanding of the romantic feelings between them, Bernie's 'help' would torpedo her into trampling that understanding into the ground without a second thought.

Connie made a noise of agreement. 'You need to talk to her.'

Yumiko could only sigh and nod. Thanks to Bernie, she didn't really have a choice in the matter anymore. Perhaps that had been his intention. "Bloody Bernie."

She didn't feel quite so sympathetic when Magna next regained her shoe and started running after the bothersome ingrate with it - for all appearances, intent on murder.

He'd brought it on himself.

'You're not going to save him, are you?'

'Nope.' Yumiko raised her drink to her mouth. 'He survived the Apocalypse, he can survive Magna.'

Connie didn't look entirely convinced of this.

Well, if she ended up killing him at least things would be more peaceful around here. Sometimes, one person had to be sacrificed for the good of the colony.

And Bernie had all but volunteered for the task.

Plus, it wasn't like she needed to worry about Magna landing herself in prison again.

'It'll be fine.'

Connie made a face but didn't protest, her amusement winning out as they watched Magna tackle Bernie to the ground - and into a pile of deer droppings.

That was too expertly executed to be an accident.

They both gave hums of approval.

Connie turned to her, clinking their bottles together. 'It's almost like being back at the movies.'

Yumiko smirked and they both settled in to enjoy the show.

**Author's Note:**

> So I really don't like this oneshot, the writing is very clumsy and I'm not sure about the character interpretations/whether they're too ooc. But I wrote it so I might as well post it. I figured you guys would probably prefer something over nothing, even if it's bad. I like the next fic I'm working on more (it's a multi-chap set in the present, though there are some flashbacks), so hopefully that one will be more pleasing :)
> 
> Also I headcannon Bernie as australian. Deal with it.
> 
> I don't think there'll be too much of a wait between this and my next yumagna fic. hopefully.


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